SPELLLING on Friendship
Jung, Aidan. Photo courtesy of the artists.
Current MFA student Ahn Lee interviewed Chrystia Cabral [M.F.A. 2019] aka SPELLLING about friendship and her new album "The Turning Wheel" which drops June 25.
Ahn: We've been friends for 10 years which is crazy. We met when we were both starting at UC Berkeley in undergrad, and we lived in the same dorm - an all-girls dorm, off-campus when I was 18 and you were 20… and now you're turning 30 and I'm 28 I just turned 28 in March.
Christia: Yeah, that’s insanity honestly. What's the place that we lived called?
A: Telegraph Commons.
C: It all started there. And now you're in grad school-
A: Following in your footsteps. Now I'm in the MFA program and you're making music and one of the things that I was thinking about is the way the work that we both do is very based in like our friend group. Which is so cute – we love our friends! But I also feel like that's not something that people ask you a lot in other interviews because they don't know about your intimate friendships. So, I thought it would be cute for us to talk about: like how your friendships - like ours – and other friendships have influenced your work and your music because even though that's not directly talking about your time at Berkeley it's really influenced by that.
C: So, making the music videos for two songs that are on this upcoming record “The Turning Wheel” and “Revolution” – “The Turning Wheel” is the title track - I wanted to bring that vibe and really just highlight those authentic relationships like ours that have been 10 years… Holly is another close friend of mine that I feel like I’ve known just as long.
A: Yes, so we met Holly when we moved into the house on 63rd, which is 2 years after you and I met - so that was like 8 years that we both been friends with Holly.
C: Yeah, and we're both from Sacramento and living at 6301 Telegraph - our house - just really bonded all of our friendship. I feel like it's what baked us into this long term yeah friendship group. So, for the vibe of “The Turning Wheel” I felt like it was just apt to capture that. Especially because we've been so cooped up for quarantine and to have the ability to just embrace each other and luxuriate. Something so simple as being friends, and the trust, the kindness that we give to each other every day… I wanted that to shine through with the music… Because with that song in particular, it’s the title track and it’s about embracing reality that's ever-changing. The process of writing the record was like difficult and I would just like get caught in these concepts of- this is where reality looks like right now and comparing what you're supposed to achieve as an artist and what you’re supposed to achieve as an individual at a certain stage in your life – you see it as these solid things, like these attainable things. But really, underneath everything is just like moving and nothing ever stays solid. So, that was kind of the theme of that song, and the theme of the album too. The Turning Wheel is about embracing that change. Our friendships have endured through so many life changes, through so much growth, difficulties, and global chaos; and those friendships felt really heartwarming and comforting to be able to turn to my friends to make art. It's like- what else would I turn to. You know, that's what it's about. It was an epiphany to me too where I realized - I wouldn't be doing any of the art that I'm doing without my friendships and the people who are around me, who are really involved in it constantly. Whether that’s talking about it or… being in all my performances.
[Listen to the recording if you want to hear us get sidetracked by giving Cooper treats.]
A: Yeah I think I’ve told you this before, but I always think that my friends are the coolest people ever - the best and the most talented. I think I idealize the people that I love and I'm just like my friends are the coolest people I've ever met... And then, with you doing so well in your music career I was like- I was right! Because I remember when you did CalSlam during your first year at UC Berkeley - it was a tiny little thing back – it grew but at this time it was like 5 people and handing out flyers.
C: Yeah that’s how I got involved - when someone handed me a flyer.
A: -And we heard Gabriel Christian performing-
C: Gabriel Cortez!
A: Cortez! I'm so sorry I love Gabriel Christian. Shout out to Gabriel Christian.
C: Gabriels are the Angels of this world.
A: Yeah! Gabriel Cortez performing at some event on sprout and we got exciting about this person talking about mixed identity-
C: I was completely drawn in, and the culture of slam poetry was totally new to me too. And, immediately I thought - Oh my God I'm gonna start writing immediately, and just show up to these meetings… and then yeah that was me dipping my toes into writing and figuring out what I wanted to do.
A: But I remember you would write these poems and I would be like- these sound more like song lyrics then poems because of the rhythmic-ness… Spoken word has a certain kind of –
C: Delivery.
A: Yeah! And yours were more like sing-song-y…song-like? I don't know what the right word. I remember they always sounded like song lyrics, but you didn't like performing. And then there was this one time you recorded this thing on Facebook video!
C: That song popped up on my Facebook recently and I was just shocked at what a baby I look like! I feel like my face looks completely different! It was so cringey too that I had to turn down the volume. That’s so weird you just mentioned that. On Facebook it was like “On this day 9(?) years ago” or 2011…
A: The one I was thinking of you recorded and posted when we're the first year that we met.
C: Sitting in my dorm.
A: So that was, 2012 or 2011…
C: I could tell from what my lips were doing without the volume up that I was singing Sade. I'll pull it up for you. I look like such a baby! My face was super round –
A: Your face was so round! Your face was round and my face was round, but my face will always be round. I remember you recorded that and I was like whoa Tia you can sing! It was like this secret.
C: I think that I don't even have the strongest voice, or whatever but it’s about how you deliver it. That was something I had to step into with my confidence-building. I think doing poetry and performing in front of people was all about how I had to figure out how to have confidence. There wasn't a lot of platforms for that like growing up, and once I had the opportunity to just build confidence then I had a reason to sing.
A: Yeah, how did that happen? I was thinking about how you started performing a lot when we were living on Telegraph and 63rd. And the other day in class, Stephanie Syjuco mentioned that you applied to the Berkeley MFA as a musician and I -I was like whoa! That's so crazy to me! Because you had just started doing music, right?
C: That was the point where I realized - this is the form that I wanted to do. I didn’t have a big portfolio when I applied to Berkeley. I did do visual art and I applied with some of that too, which always felt secondary to me. But I just went into Kroeber Hall and then created performances with the new music I just wrote for Pantheon of Me. I did the song “Cherry” and I painted myself red. I've always been obsessed with that with the concept of incarnation - that's why that album's called “Pantheon of Me” – pantheon as in a collection of gods. I love the idea of embodying things, and I was just starting to figure out how to perform, but I recorded that. So I feel like that recording is just evidence of me figuring out how to perform. I recorded three videos of me performing different songs with synth and then put that in my application. I was shocked! Shocked that I got in 'cause I don't really have a background or a strong portfolio, but I think it was a good stage. I was a great candidate for resources, and that's definitely how I got my act.
[more of us getting distracted by Cooper hating on some babies]
A: I always thought of you as a visual artist, even though you did a bunch of poetry and writing and I knew you could sing. I always thought of you as a visual artist because you were always painting and drawing. When you started making music it was -loh this is something that you're really committed to and that also speaks to what you want to do. And I relate to that too because I did a bunch of different types of art before doing the MFA program. I started doing ceramics the same year that I applied for the MFA, which is-
C: -so impressive!
A: Impressive, and also kind of stupid
C: No! I think it’s just so perfect because you can do all that in this program and you have the direct pipeline to make it happen, it’s so cool.
A: Yeah, I started doing ceramics because I was in a hard time in my life, and it was something that brought me joy. Physically making stuff, and like making stuff out of the research and the things that I was thinking about… and then that's what I ended up applying to the program. And, like you said - I think I was probably a really good candidate for resources. Truly needing some help and support! Also was very surprised that I got in - to any program!
C: It just made sense. You have that reflection back on me and where I was going, that maybe I didn’t even see, and I can see that with you too. You are just such a hands-on personality – I don’t even know what that means! But,you always have a direct way to accomplish something and I thought that going with ceramics just made sense. Just like, literally getting your hands in there and making the thing! I love that that's how it turned out.
A: And for you - once you start doing music like it made so much sense! Oh, what was the question I was asking at the beginning and then got really sidetracked? I was asking you, why did you start like suddenly deciding that you were gonna do music? Because it was at the 6301 house.
C: I can't even remember what year this is, but I moved out for a period because I thought I was going to go into education and I wanted to become an elementary school teacher. I applied to Sacramento State, got in, and moved everything into storage so I could live in Sacramento (my hometown). It was like a week before school was supposed to start… and it was also at that time our housemate David passed away-
A: Oh I didn't realize that was the same year.
C: I don't think it was the same year - I think it was the year before. But I think that was the thing I couldn't get over. I kept getting like these warning signs like this isn't the right thing, this isn't what you really want to do. And I would just reflect on David a lot, and just like thinking about what a pure artist that he was. Not even in what he would make, but just in how he would approach the day - like his performativity, and his eagerness, he's just so theatrical and eager to greet the day with putting his sparkle on things. This was inspiring me and I realized, I could just do something. It doesn't matter what the medium is - I can put my vibe on to it like David would. David would do anything - David would make clothes, draw, and just be out in the world. It was his project and his vision all over it. Moving back to Sacramento felt me kind of conforming to a fall back – like I'm making these decisions out of desperation and not out of being authentic. And so, I was like, David wouldn't do this! David would not do this, and I would rather be unsure than to like conform. So I moved back, and I moved back into David’s room, and that's really when it locked in. I feel like I like got the juju of that room-
A: Yes, that was when you really started making music! In David’s room.
C: I really feel like it was his spirit and his presence in that space. I started messing around with my keyboard, and I was playing songs all the time. My housemates were – well some of them were really encouraging. Ife would say, stop playing those bagpipes! Yeah, but that’s really when it locked in – 2016? And then my friend Ryan was the first person who encouraged me to play a show – it was in Sac. I told him - I don't have songs really, just ideas. But he said, that’s okay, just go up and do it in front of people
A: Oh yeah, I remember that one!
C: And after that first show you start to get a crack at like – everything that you think is a standard, or everything that you think has a certain blueprint or way you're supposed to do it is never the case. That was like my whole process of this career. Getting into the industry you think that you have to do it a certain way and really it's not. For any individual who's doing it, they’re having the same doubts and navigation confusion that you are as a newcomer – it never goes away. I just keep reminding myself that as I keep making: that even the most experienced pro, even the pro, even the person who's been at it for 10 years plus, there’s never a set blueprint.
A: Yeah. What you said about David - yeah I just, I think about all the things that I took away from that too-
C: It rocked us.
A: Yeah, that was such a moment and everyone's lives - like it was so traumatic and hard, but also like you were saying I realized a lot of things about myself in that process. It was the first time that I had a close friend die in my adult life, and I definitely realized how important my relationships are to me. I was in a toxic partnership at that point, and that's when I was like, nope! Can’t do this! My friendships are actually more important to me then that. So, yeah I guess your first shows and the beginning of your career started from friendship, and now this album is about friendship. And the theme of this interview, like I told you- is friendship! I feel like this is probably more than 10 minutes, so do you have any last words on friendship that you want to say when we close this up?
C: I would just say that I think – this is so emo - I was such a loner child that my relationship to friendship is something that I always super idealized. I would spend a lot of time thinking about what type of family I wanted to have and what type of relationships and friendships I want - that was all I cared about. And now, I'm doing all the things now that I always fantasized about doing and I realized how interesting how intertwined that is with finding genuine people who love you and support you unconditionally. Unconditionally by, like, I'm gonna check you when you're going in the wrong direction, or I'm gonna just listen to you, or be with you and not speak, or whatever- that's the type of unconditional like friendships and relationships that I feel like so grateful. They allow me to be in a place where I have achieved the things that I'm the person I would fantasize about being when I was a kid when those sorts of relationships weren't part of my life. It’s just, it’s so sweet, so tender. And you’re that person for me! I feel like I have beautiful other friendships from before ours, but I feel like you have been such a close friend and also someone I really look up to and can count on. So, I'm happy that this is happening and we're still in each others’ lives - and that you moved back from LA!
A: We hate LA!
C: We hate LA.
A: I love you so much. OK well before I burst into tears I'm gonna stop recording. Thank you for anyone who's listening to my awkward first interview I've ever done and see you next time!
C: 10 years later…